Just a thought

When days are dark as dark as the night,

And days are gloom as gloom as I feel,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of us together so sweet.

When skies are grey as grey as my day,

and glass are fragile as fragile as my emotion,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of dying creeps so close.

When relationship are failing as failing as breaking down,

and friendship are coming to an end,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of crying feels so strong.

When emotions are unstable as unstable as a roller coaster,

and people are crossing each other,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of shouting at everyone is so tempting.

When things go wrong in so many ways,

and everything I do seems like a big mistake,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of lying on your lap feels so at peace.

When no one is there as silence as silence as the graveyard.

and when nobody is there for me,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of us together was peace and happiness to my world.

And when you are around close by,

and in my arms you are so warm,

The thought of you brought peace to me,

The thought of the world would disappear.

Changin..

Have you ever get the feeling that states,

“Hmmm.. I think I wasn’t on his list all along.. Wat the fuck?!  Weren’t we best/close friends for so many years? I was there for that bastard! Now he’s like avoiding me?”

That feeling..

I have it.

The stress.

Wow.. I can’t believe it. I seriously can’t believe what I’m feeling now.

When I was doing my PMR, didn’t feel shit.

When I was preparing for my SPM, didn’t feel shit.

When I was studying and waiting to enter the exam hall for EVERY final exam, didn’t feel shit.

When I was going for any competition, didn’t feel shit.

Nothing, Nil, Zip, Zeroooo, O, 0, 1-1=0. NOTHING. DIDN’T FEEL ANYTHING.

NOW. Oh my goodness.

This is worst than the time I had to make a decision either to leave the girl or try to make the relationship work.

(P/s: I let her go)

This is worst than the time I had to clear my head and move forward when I had a hard time letting go of the past.

(P/s: Soul Searching kinda thing, I mange to rearrange my life)

This is worst than trying to think of a way to finish my work at last minute.

Guess what. All that I’m feeling now, is because a person could not get over with her life, is feeling stress and wants everybody  to fucking care for the person.

Yes, I admit that I didn’t do a good work, but you gotta fucking understand. The deadline was 1week and you expect me to give you a superb work? WHAT THE FECK.

*A moment of silence.*

*Shouts*

I FUCKING STARTED  THE TITLE ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO.

I HAVE A LIFE TOO.

I WAS WORKING 48HOURS WITHOUT SLEEPING FOR YOUR FUCKING WORK.

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK, THAT I WOULD CLIMB OVER YOUR HEAD THAT’S WHY YOUR PUSHING YOUR LUCK WITH ME.

I’M SO SORRY YOUR LIFE IS MORE FUCKED UP THAN MINE.

I’M SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO BE A B*T*H.

I’M SO SORRY I REALLY CAN’T HELP YOU WITH YOUR ALREADY FUCKED UP LIFE.

*Sucking it in again*

*releasing it slowly*

*breathing slowly*

Ahhh.. That was good. Was trying to limit the number of F word.

Now, for the full story.

I was helping the person.

The person assumes that I would climb all over the person.

The person thinks that the person can control me or not let me climb over her.

——

The person requested me to submit my *draft*.

I didn’t even fucking know that was suppose to be a draft.

The person just said, you submit chapter 1 ya. I said okay.

Maybe I was too kind to the person.

——

When I had too many things to do, it was just a little bit more to complete chapter 1 but I couldn’t as there was another assignment more important that time. So I asked that I submit it 5 days later. Instead of a simple okay. That person gave me a “punishment”. Submit chapter 1 and 2 on the day or else mark would be deducted. WTF?

——

Chapter 2 is like literature review. One has to read ALOT of journals or materials to complete and hand in a very very excellent work, ( which I can do it) BUT NOT IN A WEEK.

——

So, I had to stay up that two nights to hardcore read a couple of journals to complete a “normal or below average” work.

I had a feeling that its gonna get rejected, so I started working on chapter 2 by collecting more journals and stuff.

——

Today, I got back my work.

It was fill with red markings.. DUH..

The person asked me to submit again this 10th of July which makes it 3 days from now and 13th of July with is about a week from now.

*shouts* here we go again.

WHAT THE FUCK? YOU DON’T RETURN MY CALLS.YOU DON’T REPLY MY MASSAGES. YOU JUST THROW ME MY WORK BACK AND ASK ME TO REDO A BETTER ONE FOR YOU.

YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE “GUIDING” IF YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT FUCKING WORD MEANS YOU FUCKING IDIOTIC GOOD FOR NOTHING PIECE OF SHIT THAT JUST LIVE ON WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING LONELY LIFE AND ASSUMING EVERYONE DESERVE TO BE SADDER THAN YOU.

fuuhhh.

anyway. Instead of telling me she got my work, telling me it suck in this way that way this way that way. She just throw my work back at me. WITH MARKINGS. and ask me to redo it.

When I call, she doesn’t answer my calls.

When I sent text massages, she doesn’t reply them.

Wow people, Chill, this is where the juicy part.

When this guy which is “better” than all of us in his work told me, the person was meeting up with him to give him stuff and guess what, I got my work back from that guy instead of that person.

I told the guy that, the person didn’t give me a respond, he was like “What? You serious?”

So guess what? From here. THE PERSON WOULD ONLY CHOOSE THE PEOPLE THAT WOULD DO A GOOD JOB EH.

Talk about guiding.

I thus conclude that the person only talks to people that she thinks is good and get angry at people that suck.

Furthermore, the person does not wanna talk to “normal” people that suck and helping them improve.

——–

The feeling from the above. Its stress.

——–

A friend that we share, comes to me when he needs a friend or someone to be there. I was there.  When I needed company, he would not be there.

I know I’m not financially fit to be doing anything.  Hence you’d rather be with another friend than me. Okay, no prob. I can live with it.

———

With that financially unfit to be doing anything. It kinda suck being me. I want to do things with people that involves money, but so happen that I don’t wanna ask my mom for it and working part time is a big no due to the reason that I don’t have the time for it. My mom wants me to take money from her. How can I? I mean at some point in life we gotta eat our own bread.

———

The work that I have to redo to please that person is killing. I’m starting to give up on it.

A friend of mine told me, chill, its YOUR marks if you don’t do it properly. Heck, I don’t give a fuck anymore.

I rather THAT FUCKING PERSON fail me and I got the whole year or semester to redo or whatever time is given to redo. Rather than making my life complicated and comparing myself with the bastard that is doing better than I am.

Know what? FUCK it. I don’t give a shit anymore. If the person wanna play the game this way. I can Fucking do the same thing. Staying back and redoing my work means I can’t grad this year. HECK I LOVE THE IDEA. I don’t wanna venture out into the wild just yet. I think this is MY chance. >D

—————————

Okay, now I need words of wisdom from the people around me that reads my blog.

I don’t give a shit if it hurts if you wanna tell me something that hurts. I need something. Just shoot.

Like fuck I’d get hurt.

The night..

So last night I decided. I gotta finish that bloody chapters 1 and 2. Means I gotta work work work and work til the thing is done and complete. I DID finish chapter 1.. Buuuuuutttt, chapter 2. Sigh.. Bastard.

Stayed up til 4 in the morning. Worked faster in the night.

The silence.

The peace.

The darkness.

Non a soul in sight.

It was just me with my lappie.

and of course my girl on webcam on the other side of town. Thank you for staying up with me although you didnt have to ping. MUAX!

The cans of coffee. The BIG cup of water. The toilet. The fishes in the fish tanks. These were my other company.

The seating position.. Extra cushion for my butt.. The chair was hard I tell ya.. L4D mouse pad thanks to WeeKiat! MUAX!

Arse fishes.. Swimming around like there’s nothing else better to do.. Well, that’s basically what they do all the time.. Not complaining.. But Longing for a care-free life is soooooooooooo… Hmmm.. OH well..

Thanks to my girl, she bought me 5 cans of coffee.. hahah.. Unlike me sis in Aussie that has A SUPPLY of COFFEE.. *hints hints* I have non.. So I gotta get from 7Eleven me supply..

So, I’m now here, blogging about my night/morning and chilling out when my dateline is tmr. 15hrs more, why rush right? XD ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!

As a future psychologist.. I don’t know what the fuk am I gonna do in life.. XD

I NEED A LIFE!!!! Gotta explore the world.. Gotta do new things.. Gotta organize my time.. Gotta be discipline!

hmmmmm.. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.. yea.. the line there makes it look good..

argh.. Life and its complexity.. Its a bitch by itself.. With the addition of humans making it EVEN MORE harder to live in. I mean, just think about it. What so difficult about living? Eat, Rest, Process the food, Shit. That’s it. Nothing more.. But noooooo, Some asshole just had to sit and think..

“Hmmm, what if I’m better than the rest and want to eat them all up..”

Well, guess what. You are. Fucker. Now we over there sitting and reading this. Why o Why..

I mean, life would have been peaceful. No war, no starvation. Nothing.

“Sir, would you like a fish.”

“Why yes thank you.”

” Here you go.”

*Gave without asking anything in return.*

Now that people, is the life that should be happening. We are called The Human Race. It should be our responsiblity to look after one another despite the fact that you know him or her or not. That’s how it should be done.

Sigh.. I’m just blabbering.. Its just a thought anyway. Gotta go back to reading.

-Peace-

New Advanture!

So right.. There’s this lec, which suddenly asked my help for her ph.D paper.. I’m now thinking if i wanna help her out.. If i do, i wont be able to work on my paper and i’ll be taking her paper instead.. Hmmmmm.. Paper = title..
the feck with it..

Life has never been this weird

Recently, I don’t know what happen, thought of my future just sorta popped into my head..
It was like, “la la la lala..” *pop* “OUch!” *pop Pop* “Argh, THat fking hurt!” * pop POp Pop PoP* “AAAAAAAAAAAAah”
And I sort received enlightenment..
Interesting eh?

The truth.

The truth is, life in unpredictable.
The moment when you assume you have, you might lose it. But than again, when you don’t have it, you tend to get it. Wishing for the things you longed for without working for it would most probably be the fact that you would not get it.

The truth is, we need friends.
People who say they are fine by alone are bullshit-ters themselves. They are just strong on the outside but empty on the inside. EVERYBODY longs for a friend. A friend who would be there for you when you are sad or unhappy at 3a.m. and would listen to your story; A friend who would take the trouble to help you with your car when you did not invite the fella out instead; A friend who would keep your secret when you need to share with someone.

The truth is, life is not as easy as it seem.
Being here right now, sitting where you are sitting and reading this. Greetings, as of this moment onwards, you are offically bounded on this fked up planet we call home. Glad to know that your life now is pretty fine and you are happy living in your comfort zone. Be careful, the wolves are out there waiting, just be ready to face them with the only weapon you have. Your true identity. For the wolves would feast on your very soul, sucking the life force out of you making you on of them. Yes, you would be living among them sucking on others and making them a part of this horrible event. But remember, as long as you have your own self, and you adapting to them, you can live AMONG them freely. Remember the key words, Your Identity, You MUST Adapt! In order to survive and live among them. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The truth is, people change.
Once a kind and hearted soul; Now an evil which destroy. This is the truth, people would change. Live with it. The people you once know, collecting information about life experience, altering the ideas about life inside them, and the next thing you know, you don’t know what the next thing is about the person. It might be a good thing, might be a bad thing. People, humans have their ways in everything they see or hold. Do not assume they would stay the same.

The truth is, do not assume you know the person unless you really know the person.
Please for goodness sake and saving people all the trouble, don’t assume you know the person unless you really do. It is really a pain in you-know-where when you fked up the relationship with your friends if you think you know them. UNLESS you know them, its a different ball game all together. A part from that, please, get to know them, understand their wants and needs, their personality, the way they think, how they perceive the world. The others are just bonuses, what they like to eat, what they like to wear, what colour do they like, what do they enjoy doing.

That’s it for now, I’m tired. I don’t know why I even care to write this piece. You can either wait for more or ask for more or ignore this. May you have a pleasant life.

Protected: Trouble (my fav colour)

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Wow

Holy crap..  A blink of an eye and one month has past by..

Meh, holiday life js cant get any better.. or worst.. my grandma from Alor Setar just came up. Gawd.. when it was 12am, she ask, why aren’t you asleep yet? its bad for your body.. your house has too many things. its too messy…

O.O?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!

gaming day and night.. I LOVE IT!

XD

Got to know a bit of my past. Books, wonderful creation by humans for record keeping.

It still puzzles me though. Why can’t I seem to remember what happen. and why can’t i remember that part of my past.

What caused that black spot?

Why did it happen?

How did it happen?

When did it happen? (Nevermind, i know this part)

Hmmmmmmmmmmm… Piece of weird crap.

Oh well.. Another month and its back to studying again.

A bit paranoid about it. Uni means hardship is gonna hit me hard on my head. Asses, homeworks, exams, lectures, my final project which i should-be-doing-but-havent-even-touch-it-yet. and it-is-gonna-get-me-into-trouble.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh….

oh well, life goes on.. Oh, I found a song.. Ignore the lyrics and it’ll be fine..

3OH!3 – Don’t Trust Me

Convenience

Wassup people. I end my internship tomorrow! There’s this bubble of joy around me. I feel like I’m walking on air!

Well, me and me department were suppose to have a nice lunch in TGI Friday. Guess what, they decided to make it big. Even the HR department was invited. Sigh. I mean, why did they go invited everybody? It was unnecessary.  The more people in the small circle, the faster the circle needs to be expanded. Having it expanded, there’s no point in a nice and lovely meal is there?

Unfortunately, they invited sort of everyone. but that’s not the point of the post. The point was convenience. Next week Tuesday. 2 colleagueof another department would be celebrating thier birthday. Guess what. We’re gonna do my farewell 4 Days after my farewell.

They even got the balls to think that it would be a farewell. Wait, I forgot they are ladies. The balls part wont work.

They even got the guts to think it would be a farewell after a farewell. Sigh. That’s why. I’m still reluctant to come back on Tuesday. I don’t feel like anyway. Might as well give them a blow. Yup. As I’m typing this, the more words I put into this post. The more convincing I would be.

Okay, I’m convinced. I’m gonna blow it. I’d say I’m coming. Some how, my horns and tail is getting hotter. Maybe its a sign for me to be evil again. Its been a looooong time since I last had this sweet yet horrible sensation. Long time.

Friends. Don’t worry, nothing is gonna happen to you. yet. ;p That’s just a small thing okay. Blowing. I mean, there could be worst. Now Now.. Don’t go further. Come back.

So, as I was saying. Why, why would they even wanna do a farewell when the farewell is past? Knowing me, I’d ask myself, would they think I’m not qualified for a “grand” farewell? Would they think I don’t even deserve one. Sigh. I’m starting to like this phrase

“Go Fuck Yourself”

I amazese me you see, like, How on earth is the fella gonna screw themselves be it man or woman? It would be an eye opener. Well, actually i think they can. But oh well..

Sigh.. Its just so fucking frustrating. For once, I thought what i do would bring an impact to people’s life til the extend they would wanna do a grand farewell. Reality check yet again, i didn’t do anything. Aother phrase that I’d like to share, this phrase is so powerful that It’d make my day and sometimes, allow me to get over things, easily.

“Life Goes On”