Thoughtsssss

I only know I’m not ready to start a 9am to 6pm work.

I know I’m not ready to even start giving any commitment to any job.

I know that I do not want to work yet.

I know I hate waking up early in the morning cause i sleep late at night.

I know I wanna spend my time reading and writing.

I know if i start work, the research that I have planned to do would never work out.

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What I don’t know is……

So much.

When the life of a planned person comes to the path which he has to choose that would go against his plan in whichever path he choose, what would he do?

If life were planned out from the start, what would life be when the plan wasn’t there to start with?

If plans were made to change, why would people plan to make themselves happy and at the end of time get angry about the plan going wrong?

Shouldn’t life be more simple than just plans that would go wrong?

2010
02/08
CATEGORY
Randoms
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Stephen

From the Urban Dictionary.

1. Stephen

Greek in origin, I’ve come to the conclusion that Stephen is just about the coolest male name. Whether it’s prnounced ‘Stef-an’ or ‘Steve-en’ doesn’t matter, it’s just awesome.
Steph and Stevie are also the coolest nicknames.

4. Stephen

The most beautiful boy in existence. Has stunning eyes, that make your heart fall through the floor when they crinkle with his perfect smile. Is deep, unlike most boys, and extremely intelligent. Has a big heart, and he doesn’t realize when he’s being taken for granted. Even though he would never admit it, he sometimes’s can’t see what’s right in front of him. An over-analyzer, and very stubborn, but he will admit defeat when he has to. Likes to drive girls crazy, apparently. Easy to fall in love with. Hard to figure out.

5. Stephen

a tall skinny guy, a sex crave for sure. couldl get anyone he wants, major player but nobody cares because he’s so damn sexy.

8. Stephen

The most amazing guy ever, knows how to treat a girl right! Is extraordinary/beyond amazing in bed! Funny,sexy, smart, can have any girl he wants! But chooses to be with the dumbest girl in the world, all because he truly loves her!

9. Stephen

V. To “Stephen” or to “Pull a Stephen” is to do something completely outrageous in public without concerning those around you. This usually involves some sort of sticky liquid, e.g. cola being sprayed everywhere.

10. Stephen

a perverted kid, but i love him. hes the reason i still live where i live now. i love you

14. Stephen

The most amazing person in the world. Scratch that, in space and everything that ever exsisted. He’s a brilliant boyfriend who’s always there to lay a smile upon my face. He’s sweet, funny, an idiot (in a good way), totally original (also in a good way), a deep thinker, unpredictable and will always exceed your expectations. I’m quite possibly the luckiest girl ever to be with him. Stephen.. Remember that name as the name of the most spectacular person to ever walk this Earth. Stephen… My Stephen.

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Mind you, these are all collected from the Urban Dictionary and only ONE dictionary..

Sigh.. Apparently I ain’t the only Stephen that is special.. LoL

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Lets fly, fly, fly away, fly to a place where we wanna be~~
2010
02/06
CATEGORY
ME
1 comment

Damnation

Sigh..

How on earth am I suppose to survive this ordeal. Fking headache.

This is big. The decision I’mma about to make. And I hate it.

My Big Boss asked me to think about One Question. Just One.

Can I work for a minimum of ONE YEAR in that company.

Or else.

I just get a normal job again. Lower rank. Lower pay I suppose.

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I have already apply for Singaporean Companies, but I don’t expect them to reply me so soon.

I have already send my resumes to some companies in Malaysia and to “connections”, same deal, not expecting a reply soon.

I have already given up on the idea that my personal research on facial expression and deception is gonna be a smooth journey if I take up this 10am to 10pm Son-Of-A-Gun job.

I know that I won’t have a normal life if I continue this GawdForSakenBusyPieceOfShit job.

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Upside is,

I get to see and know places.

I get to meet loads of people.

I get to know my strengths and weaknesses more.

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Downside is,

I get loads of stress. ( I hate stress)

I get tired often. ( I get tired easily)

I get to drive alone. ( I hate driving alone for long distance)

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I’m a lazy person.

I live to live easy in life, which is a hard thing I know.

But I work for a reason, which is ** ****.

I don’t work for myself.

I want the money for ** ****.

So I can spend it with *** ****** * ****.

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The option is really obvious in front of me, but for OTHER OBVIOUS reasons, I have to consider long term.

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I really wanna swear and curse right now.

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I’ll discuss with my boss in due time and see what happens then.

2010
02/03
CATEGORY
ME
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The thought of it.

Currently I’m into a song, Down by Jason Walker.

Another version of Down. This version is AWESOME. Seriously.

Jason Walker – Down

I don’t know where I’m at
I’m standing at the back
And I’m tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I’ll find what I’ve been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I’d never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it’s coming down, down, down.
Oh I am going down, down, down
Can’t find another way around
And I don’t want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
I never know why it’s coming down, down, down.

I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Oh it’s coming down, down, down.

The lyrics and meaning of the song touched me to the core, I tell ya. :D

Loved the chorus, made me think how life is and what is the meaning for me.

Emo emo emo emo.. :P

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What’s the point of living as brothers and sisters on Earth if people only care for each other?

What’s the meaning of love for others when others don’t give a damn about you?

Why would we wanna care what or how others think?

I am not him and she is not her. So why do I give a Feck about him she or her?

Life. People. Love. Earth.

Lets dance.

The movie Legion is really meaningful. The part when a character says, ” God is tired of all the bullshit.”

If God is tired, we’re doom.

If there’s a limit for God, we’re still doom.

I just hope we know what we’re doing.

2010
01/28
CATEGORY
Memoirs
Songs/ Video
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Decisions.

Working. Gawd I hate it. Social Conformity~!! Aaaaaaaaaahhhh.. LEAVE ME ALONE.

But alas, I submit myself to social pressure and the pressure from my parents.

Working Details:~~

Official working hours         : 10am – 8pm

Unofficial working hours    : 10 am – 10pm

Salary                                          : 2k plus

Stress meter                             : 10 / 10 (The amount of stress that I am gonna face)

Free time meter                      : 0 / 10    (The amount of free time that I am gonna have)

Social group meter                : 9 / 10     (The amount of people that I am gonna meet)

Hang out time with friends : 1 / 10  ( The amount of time that I am gonna hang out with my friends)

Challenge meter                      : 10 / 10  ( The amount of challenge that I am gonna face)

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So much for free time to do research and time for myself.

Pfft.

2010
01/26
CATEGORY
Randoms
1 comment

P.A.S.S.

Putting Ass and Salt on Stove.

P.A.S.S

:D

I am graduating this March~

:D

OMFG

:D

I can’t believe it.. However shitty my results were. (Sort of gave up improving it by the last year)

:D

Well, My mom’s nagging came through and job offers suddenly came popping in front of me.

:D

Wtf right? yea.. It was this day, I was in for an interview next week and have to call some other company for another interview. Wow.. He planned it all huh.. Guess Holiday is over it seems..

:D

But stil, part of that life is over~

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:D

:D

The highlighted one was the irritating subject that gave me the trouble.

COMPLETION OF STUDY

2010
01/21
CATEGORY
Randoms
2 comments

Pages

Everyday, I have to face this difficult task of looking at the UTAR website.

This is the bloody website. So irritating. Can’t the fking people just release the results on time?

Its like I have to allow my heart to skip a beat everytime i face this site. God Damnit.

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If that’s not enough, second page, I have to Click “Semester Final Examination Result”

OMFGGGGG…

Of all the heart beating, skipping, and stopping. One final click is all I need to see if I’m dead or not.

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The last page.

When you see this, “You are not authorised to view this page.”

OMG, phew. LOL

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At some point, Part of me doesn’t wanna look at this page.

But

Another part of me NEEDS to look at this page, for self satisfaction I guess. :/

2010
01/19
CATEGORY
Photos
Randoms
1 comment

Past, Present and Future.

Took these pictures waaaay back during my internship with Sunrise Berhad.

On the way to work. I would see the sunrise. =.=

dsc00211

On the bridge nearby SS15..

dsc00224

The NPE highway, if i’m not mistaken.

dsc00235

Near home. When the sun is setting.

dsc00238

Same place.

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“God is merciful and ever loving.” says a Sunday School teacher. I know so.

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I don’t wanna submit to the rules of society. But life evolves around a society. How can one live in a norm and yet not conform to the norm. Its hard, no doubt about it. I have live the life of a deviant for as long as i can remember.

It is so hard to walk alone. Eat alone. Sleep alone. Game alone.

Thank God i have had a wonderful company for these years.

Thank God i have had wonderful friends in my life.

Allah, guide my in what I would do in life and aid me in my present struggles.

What if one day I lose my friends.

What if one day I lose my girl.

Get new ones huh. Easy.

Easier said than done. The mind stores memories. The sweet, the sorrow, the sweet, the sour ones.

Never would you forget a person that has walked with you in your journey in life. Well, not for the next 10 years of the person’s life that is.

I miss my grandma.

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My fear of losing her engulfs me.

My Happiness for having her floats me.

My sadness with her drowns me.

My most loving moments with her lifts me high up.

Those were the days I could hold her in my arms.

Now she’s so far away from me.

Only through the net I could see her.

Imagine touching her.

Love you Ping.

2010
01/18
CATEGORY
GaL
Photos
Randoms
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Fly o fly away.

Random thoughts stored in mind needs to be released.

It would consume you. It wouldn’t allow you to breathe.

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Time flies. Wouldn’t everyone agree?

How I wish I could fly among the birds; Swim among the fishes; and life among the animals in the wild.

But those aren’t gonna happen. Not in a million years, not when I’m alive.

I’m too proud. Too proud to be a human, I refuse to live among the lower beings.

Basic Human Mentality 101

Why would they live down below when they have all the world at their finger tips.

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So, Lets be happy while we can.

We all know the earth ONE day is gonna explode yada yada..

The sky falls down and the earth would turn to ice.

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Things are not what they seem to be.

One day White the other Black.

One day its fine the other day not.

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Self actualization is such a powerful tool for self motivation and self improvement.

Proud of my girl and yet  I fear the future for us both.

Tide doesn’t seem to be on my side.

Power of Distance.

Power of Love.

Power of Stress.

Power of Trust.

Power of Time.

Power of Us.

Who would triumph,

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Enjoying this song,  Kris Allen : Live Like We’re Dying

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here;
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it;
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’;
Gotta live like we’re dying.

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away;
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em;
While we got the chance to say;
Gotta live like we’re dying.

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Random thoughts end. Would write soon. The urge of writing is there.

2010
01/17
CATEGORY
Family
GaL
Memoirs
Peeps
Randoms
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More than A year.

I didn’t realize it until last week. A year has been gone, without your presence it was difficult sometimes.  I cried a couple of times throughout the year. It was painful, real painful. Sometimes i even shouted at God for taking you away from me. The question was always stuck in my head. Why did you have to leave? You said you wanted to be there to see me graduate. You said you wanted to be there for me. You told me I would always see you.

Even when you were in pain to hid it. You held onto the pain and put a smile for me. Lying to me. Bluffing me.

I thought everything was okay with you. But you were in pain. I hate not knowing the truth. I hate it so much.

This whole year was so blank for me. When I needed company, I would normally go to you. But now, It feels so quiet. Not knowing who to tell my stories to besides my girl. Needing to hold you, be in your arms. Wanting to tell you i love you.

I miss you.

( I delayed this post for so long, sigh)

2010
01/15
CATEGORY
Randoms
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