What should we do when we are faced in a deep shit situation

Truth is, I don’t know. Every deep shit situation is different and the fact that every individual is different, there is no answer for this actually..

ANYWAY..

Wanna share a song with the people out there.

and

Both from linkin park.. Enjoy..

p/s: this post had nothing to do with the title above..

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Sigh..

I wanna go to the Hennesy Artistry. <<<<<< Really really really really really want to.

I wanna listen to loud music. <<<<<<<<<<< Really really want to.

I wanna feel the freedom.

I wanna do whatever I want.

I wanna go wherever I want.

I wanna eat whatever I want.

I wanna be with whoever I want.

I wanna sleep whenever I want.

I wanna game whenever I want.

I wanna enjoy life.

I wanna feel eternal peace at heart.

I dont wanna study anymore.

I wanna observe people.

I wanna know what they think.

I wanna feel how they feel.

I wanna understand human beings in a deeper level and inner level.

I wanna help the poor and helpless.

I wanna be at peace with the world.

I wanna be the one that people would remember.

I wanna be the one people talk about.

I wanna be the smart-ass people remembers.

I wanna be remembered as the asshole that kick your ass.

I wanna be remembered as the friend that was always there.

I wanna be known as the best helper around.

I wanna be known as the person you go to when you need help.

I want to be able to help people would want to be helped.

I want to do what I want to do.

I dont wanna grow up.

I dont wanna have heavy responsibility.

I dont wanna live on longer.

I dont wanna do what other people want me to do.

Life is not like that. Life is hard. Life is difficult. Life doesnt go the way you want all the time. Life is all about choosing and working for it. Life is about competition. Life is about friends. Life is about betrayal. Life is about lie. Life is about responsibility. Life is about commitment. Life is unfair. Life is sometimes not worth living. Life is about experience.

I think I need motivation. Sigh.. Getting the degree and graduating is not a motivation anymore.

Back then all I did was study and have a blast in uni and outside uni. Now, Its all about, what I am gonna do after i grad. I hate that thought. I wish tat were to read this and shove some logical sense that he always does into my head, right in my face. I respect him. He is determine and from the way he carries himself, he has a plan. He is sticking with his plan and working for his plan. He has discipline when he wants it.

I on the other hand. Is some what on the sloth. My head says do it but my body says fuck it. I am not desperate enough. I have a plan but I am not working for it. I know if i dont work for it, I’ll just end up getting fuck myself. I cant do it. I dont know why. I just cant. Argh.. Kevin being here would also be nice. He has a plan BUT he has ALOT of discipline. Even though he slacks abit here and there, he would still come back. Sigh..

I lack of discipline.

I know what I have to do, but I am no motivated to do so.

I am a negative person.

I know I’m getting myself in trouble if I dont work my ass off right now.

Freunde

This July was VERY eventful..

I attended ONE prom..

Got TWO summons..

Whats three.. hmmm.. oh! Had different experiences with THREE friends.

so.. my uni friends got me this!

Sell Out! the Soundtrack!! LoL.. Gotta love that movie..

For a Malaysian Film you gotta give em credit.. Not bad..

So, went partying in Euphoria, Ministry of Sound, MOS..

I LOVE IT!

THE BASS!

THE VIBRATION!

Awwwww.. Sweeeeeeet!!!!

Sigh.. Wish I had sound system like that at home.. :/

When to prom with my girl..

And I went to MOS with my girl!!

But we were the ones taking the pic.. LoL..

Anyway.. Awesome and yet sad month.. Damn those cops.. Giving summons.. zzz

I think its time for me to disappear.. Sigh.. The thought of it is so very tempting..

Not sure why, but the feeling of widening my friendship circle is haunting me.. Like an itch that you can’t scratch..

Like telling me my current circle is falling into pieces and its time to look for new ones.

Where did everyone go….

They grew up and had their lives spent well i guess..

Time to disappear I guess… Starting over is like breakfast for me……

To the people.

Two people walking on the street. Both were friends. When one saw a blind man walking on the street wanting to cross the road, he ran to the man and held him back.

Saying “Wait up old man, Let me help you.”

When he walked back to his friend, his friend asked, “Why did you do that for?”

He just answered,”I loved it.”

Altruism has been around for ages. Take volunteer for examples, not all of them do it for the sake of meeting new friends, new people, gaining new experience. However and sadly, most of them think that way and want to achieve something out of volunteering.

People who care less about the other person think only about themselves and ignore the fact that not everyone is as fortunate as them. When told about why not help, they would just simply asked back, Why would I wanna help? Without answering the question they asked back another question, when the other person couldn’t answer the question, those who asked back the “why would I wanna help” would feel a sense of satisfaction and that leads to motivate them from future not helping anyone they see that is in need of help. It would cloud their vision and the world would only circle around them.

Only thinking about themselves and only wanting others to think about them. They would refuse any ideas from other people and think that only their ideas are supreme. Hiding in their fog of denial of others, they saw they accept ideas from other and would understand. They don’t.

Giving more and more excuse for not helping and asking more and more question about why would I or why should I, Using language as their main weapon to twist words around. They would say to you, why help others when you cant help yourself. These are the people one should look out for. For they are among and they would be the people we call friends. Despite not helping others, they would want you to know of their existence but they would careless about yours. They only have them in mind and would hesitate to aid you.

Sometimes its a pain.

Knowing

Knowing that change is inevitable, is but a simple step to accept change.

Accepting change is a difficult task in life that one would not comply.

Not complying to changes in life is fucked up.

Life is already fucked up to begin with, the only one person that can make a change in life is your own self.

Friends, family, co-workers, yourself. These elements which are important to one being are prune to change soon or later.

Friends leave you.

You leave friends.

Meet new co-workers.

Leave old co-workers.

Be your  old self.

Refuse your new self.

Which is more fucked up,

you know you have to change but you don’t wanna change

or

you know you have changed but its not enough

Sigh.. Sometimes i wonder. What would it be like if people change? Everyone changes.

Would we have Wars?

Would we have racists?

Would we have terrorists?

Would we have poverty?

Would we live together united as one?

Would politicians suck their people’s money?

Would people struggle for power?

Would we be able to speak ONE language?

Would we be able to accept each others difference?

Would we as a Globe advance faster than ever?

As humans, we have different personality, the fact is, we live on planet Earth, what good will it be if people keep thinking about themselves when every other person on Earth is dying because of what that individual did.

We are a race; We should have responsibility for each other; We should look after each other.

Me saying that would like to Say 2 words to our ancestors. FUCK YOU. The practise of dividing has be taught through generation to generation. It is a practise that cannot be reversed. It has sunk deep into the minds of the old and young. It is the kind of practise that divides us be it, Nation, Country, Race, Religions. This practise would not and cannot be undone. So, Fuck you.

Just a thought

When days are dark as dark as the night,

And days are gloom as gloom as I feel,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of us together so sweet.

When skies are grey as grey as my day,

and glass are fragile as fragile as my emotion,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of dying creeps so close.

When relationship are failing as failing as breaking down,

and friendship are coming to an end,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of crying feels so strong.

When emotions are unstable as unstable as a roller coaster,

and people are crossing each other,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of shouting at everyone is so tempting.

When things go wrong in so many ways,

and everything I do seems like a big mistake,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of lying on your lap feels so at peace.

When no one is there as silence as silence as the graveyard.

and when nobody is there for me,

The thought of you would appear in my head,

The thought of us together was peace and happiness to my world.

And when you are around close by,

and in my arms you are so warm,

The thought of you brought peace to me,

The thought of the world would disappear.

Changin..

Have you ever get the feeling that states,

“Hmmm.. I think I wasn’t on his list all along.. Wat the fuck?!  Weren’t we best/close friends for so many years? I was there for that bastard! Now he’s like avoiding me?”

That feeling..

I have it.

The stress.

Wow.. I can’t believe it. I seriously can’t believe what I’m feeling now.

When I was doing my PMR, didn’t feel shit.

When I was preparing for my SPM, didn’t feel shit.

When I was studying and waiting to enter the exam hall for EVERY final exam, didn’t feel shit.

When I was going for any competition, didn’t feel shit.

Nothing, Nil, Zip, Zeroooo, O, 0, 1-1=0. NOTHING. DIDN’T FEEL ANYTHING.

NOW. Oh my goodness.

This is worst than the time I had to make a decision either to leave the girl or try to make the relationship work.

(P/s: I let her go)

This is worst than the time I had to clear my head and move forward when I had a hard time letting go of the past.

(P/s: Soul Searching kinda thing, I mange to rearrange my life)

This is worst than trying to think of a way to finish my work at last minute.

Guess what. All that I’m feeling now, is because a person could not get over with her life, is feeling stress and wants everybody  to fucking care for the person.

Yes, I admit that I didn’t do a good work, but you gotta fucking understand. The deadline was 1week and you expect me to give you a superb work? WHAT THE FECK.

*A moment of silence.*

*Shouts*

I FUCKING STARTED  THE TITLE ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO.

I HAVE A LIFE TOO.

I WAS WORKING 48HOURS WITHOUT SLEEPING FOR YOUR FUCKING WORK.

JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK, THAT I WOULD CLIMB OVER YOUR HEAD THAT’S WHY YOUR PUSHING YOUR LUCK WITH ME.

I’M SO SORRY YOUR LIFE IS MORE FUCKED UP THAN MINE.

I’M SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO BE A B*T*H.

I’M SO SORRY I REALLY CAN’T HELP YOU WITH YOUR ALREADY FUCKED UP LIFE.

*Sucking it in again*

*releasing it slowly*

*breathing slowly*

Ahhh.. That was good. Was trying to limit the number of F word.

Now, for the full story.

I was helping the person.

The person assumes that I would climb all over the person.

The person thinks that the person can control me or not let me climb over her.

——

The person requested me to submit my *draft*.

I didn’t even fucking know that was suppose to be a draft.

The person just said, you submit chapter 1 ya. I said okay.

Maybe I was too kind to the person.

——

When I had too many things to do, it was just a little bit more to complete chapter 1 but I couldn’t as there was another assignment more important that time. So I asked that I submit it 5 days later. Instead of a simple okay. That person gave me a “punishment”. Submit chapter 1 and 2 on the day or else mark would be deducted. WTF?

——

Chapter 2 is like literature review. One has to read ALOT of journals or materials to complete and hand in a very very excellent work, ( which I can do it) BUT NOT IN A WEEK.

——

So, I had to stay up that two nights to hardcore read a couple of journals to complete a “normal or below average” work.

I had a feeling that its gonna get rejected, so I started working on chapter 2 by collecting more journals and stuff.

——

Today, I got back my work.

It was fill with red markings.. DUH..

The person asked me to submit again this 10th of July which makes it 3 days from now and 13th of July with is about a week from now.

*shouts* here we go again.

WHAT THE FUCK? YOU DON’T RETURN MY CALLS.YOU DON’T REPLY MY MASSAGES. YOU JUST THROW ME MY WORK BACK AND ASK ME TO REDO A BETTER ONE FOR YOU.

YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE “GUIDING” IF YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT FUCKING WORD MEANS YOU FUCKING IDIOTIC GOOD FOR NOTHING PIECE OF SHIT THAT JUST LIVE ON WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING LONELY LIFE AND ASSUMING EVERYONE DESERVE TO BE SADDER THAN YOU.

fuuhhh.

anyway. Instead of telling me she got my work, telling me it suck in this way that way this way that way. She just throw my work back at me. WITH MARKINGS. and ask me to redo it.

When I call, she doesn’t answer my calls.

When I sent text massages, she doesn’t reply them.

Wow people, Chill, this is where the juicy part.

When this guy which is “better” than all of us in his work told me, the person was meeting up with him to give him stuff and guess what, I got my work back from that guy instead of that person.

I told the guy that, the person didn’t give me a respond, he was like “What? You serious?”

So guess what? From here. THE PERSON WOULD ONLY CHOOSE THE PEOPLE THAT WOULD DO A GOOD JOB EH.

Talk about guiding.

I thus conclude that the person only talks to people that she thinks is good and get angry at people that suck.

Furthermore, the person does not wanna talk to “normal” people that suck and helping them improve.

——–

The feeling from the above. Its stress.

——–

A friend that we share, comes to me when he needs a friend or someone to be there. I was there.  When I needed company, he would not be there.

I know I’m not financially fit to be doing anything.  Hence you’d rather be with another friend than me. Okay, no prob. I can live with it.

———

With that financially unfit to be doing anything. It kinda suck being me. I want to do things with people that involves money, but so happen that I don’t wanna ask my mom for it and working part time is a big no due to the reason that I don’t have the time for it. My mom wants me to take money from her. How can I? I mean at some point in life we gotta eat our own bread.

———

The work that I have to redo to please that person is killing. I’m starting to give up on it.

A friend of mine told me, chill, its YOUR marks if you don’t do it properly. Heck, I don’t give a fuck anymore.

I rather THAT FUCKING PERSON fail me and I got the whole year or semester to redo or whatever time is given to redo. Rather than making my life complicated and comparing myself with the bastard that is doing better than I am.

Know what? FUCK it. I don’t give a shit anymore. If the person wanna play the game this way. I can Fucking do the same thing. Staying back and redoing my work means I can’t grad this year. HECK I LOVE THE IDEA. I don’t wanna venture out into the wild just yet. I think this is MY chance. >D

—————————

Okay, now I need words of wisdom from the people around me that reads my blog.

I don’t give a shit if it hurts if you wanna tell me something that hurts. I need something. Just shoot.

Like fuck I’d get hurt.

The night..

So last night I decided. I gotta finish that bloody chapters 1 and 2. Means I gotta work work work and work til the thing is done and complete. I DID finish chapter 1.. Buuuuuutttt, chapter 2. Sigh.. Bastard.

Stayed up til 4 in the morning. Worked faster in the night.

The silence.

The peace.

The darkness.

Non a soul in sight.

It was just me with my lappie.

and of course my girl on webcam on the other side of town. Thank you for staying up with me although you didnt have to ping. MUAX!

The cans of coffee. The BIG cup of water. The toilet. The fishes in the fish tanks. These were my other company.

The seating position.. Extra cushion for my butt.. The chair was hard I tell ya.. L4D mouse pad thanks to WeeKiat! MUAX!

Arse fishes.. Swimming around like there’s nothing else better to do.. Well, that’s basically what they do all the time.. Not complaining.. But Longing for a care-free life is soooooooooooo… Hmmm.. OH well..

Thanks to my girl, she bought me 5 cans of coffee.. hahah.. Unlike me sis in Aussie that has A SUPPLY of COFFEE.. *hints hints* I have non.. So I gotta get from 7Eleven me supply.. :/

So, I’m now here, blogging about my night/morning and chilling out when my dateline is tmr. 15hrs more, why rush right? XD ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!

As a future psychologist.. I don’t know what the fuk am I gonna do in life.. XD

I NEED A LIFE!!!! Gotta explore the world.. Gotta do new things.. Gotta organize my time.. Gotta be discipline!

hmmmmm.. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.. yea.. the line there makes it look good..

argh.. Life and its complexity.. Its a bitch by itself.. With the addition of humans making it EVEN MORE harder to live in. I mean, just think about it. What so difficult about living? Eat, Rest, Process the food, Shit. That’s it. Nothing more.. But noooooo, Some asshole just had to sit and think..

“Hmmm, what if I’m better than the rest and want to eat them all up..”

Well, guess what. You are. Fucker. Now we over there sitting and reading this. Why o Why..

I mean, life would have been peaceful. No war, no starvation. Nothing.

“Sir, would you like a fish.”

“Why yes thank you.”

” Here you go.”

*Gave without asking anything in return.*

Now that people, is the life that should be happening. We are called The Human Race. It should be our responsiblity to look after one another despite the fact that you know him or her or not. That’s how it should be done.

Sigh.. I’m just blabbering.. Its just a thought anyway. Gotta go back to reading.

-Peace-